


A Cure for an Obsession

by toyhto



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Getting Together, Humor, I hope, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhto/pseuds/toyhto
Summary: A story in which Spock has an obsession with a certain part of the captain’s most fascinating human body.





	A Cure for an Obsession

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by ambruises, thank you! All the mistakes are still my own!

_Stardate 5825.4, the personal log of Mr. Spock, the First Officer. The situation is rapidly becoming serious. However illogical my problem is, it is persistent. I am in an emotionally compromised state and there is a probability of 87.3 percent that within next 2.14 standard days the efficiency of my work will begin to decrease. Nevertheless, my most pressing concern is that I may have to discuss the situation with the captain. I must avoid that at any cost. I must -_  
  
“Mr. Spock? Can I come in?”  
  
“Affirmative, Captain.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
The door slides open. The captain walks in. Spock stands up. The captain stops only when the proximity of his chest and Spock’s is barely 48 centimetres. In normal circumstances Spock would be able to operate despite the closeness of the captain’s warm human body. It is unfortunate that these are not normal circumstances. It takes a lot of effort to keep his facial expressions calm and steady, and then the captain raises his hand, apparently in order to place the hand in question onto Spock’s shoulder, which is not an advisable choice of action.  
  
“Is there something you wish to discuss, Captain?”  
  
“Yes, there is,” the captain says, pulling his hand away. The emotional response Spock is experiencing is highly irrational: it should be impossible to feel both relieved and disappointed. He must analyze this response, only he cannot do it immediately, because the captain is now rubbing his own chin with his fingers. It is highly distracting.  
  
“And what is it,” Spock says and swallows, he must not look at the captain’s fingers, he simply _must not_ , “Captain?”  
  
“Ah, Mr. Spock,” the captain says, smiling at him. He has learned to cope with Jim’s smiles rather well. They do not pose a significant threat to the efficiency of his work anymore. However, Jim is currently brushing his lower lip with his forefinger. To observe this gesture is unbearable. He must escape the situation. Unfortunately, it is also quite impossible to ask the captain to leave his quarters. Perhaps he could state a logical but rather sudden wish to continue his current science project in the ship’s laboratory. Perhaps – but now the captain has said something to him and he does not have, as the captain might say, a _clue_ about what it was.  
  
“Excuse me?” he says. He must not stare at Jim’s fingers.  
  
“I only said that I don’t seem to remember anymore what I came here to say,” the captain says, still smiling. And Spock is behaving in a completely unprofessional manner. If Jim knew what he is thinking… but he cannot bear the thought of Jim knowing. Jim would only pity him. Jim would treat him with a kind and friendly empathy. He will not let that happen. “Mr. Spock?”  
  
“Yes, Captain?”  
  
“You look like you’re busy thinking about something,” the captain says. “I’ll come back later if I remember what I was going to tell you.”  
  
“Very well,” Spock says. He is ready to exhale deeply in order to bodily express his relief, but the captain takes a step of approximately 21 centimetres forward and grabs his wrist for 0.87 seconds. He can sense the captain’s fingers through the fabric of his sleeve and then, quite suddenly, the sensation is gone.  
  
“Good night, then, Mr. Spock,” the captain says.  
  
“Good night, Captain,” Spock says.  
  
The captain walks out of the room without touching anything.  
  
Spock sits downs.  
  
_The personal log of the First Officer, supplemental. It seems that I have developed a severe obsession with the captain’s hands.  
  
  
_ **  
  
  
“Doctor McCoy, may I ask you something?”  
  
“Really?” the doctor says.  
  
“Affirmative,” Spock says and then swallows. “However, I am afraid this is quite confidential. I wish to be reassured that no one else will be informed about the content or the details of our conversation.”  
  
“Of course not, Spock,” the doctor says. He looks worried in his very emotional and, as Jim might say, grumpy way. “I might have to tell Jim if this concerns the ship, but –“  
  
“Absolutely not.”  
  
The doctor blinks. “What?”  
  
“I kindly request,” Spock says in a voice that is not quite steady, but being a severely unsteady creature himself the doctor will not probably be able to tell the difference, “that you promise to withhold the essence of my concern even from the captain.”  
  
“So, it’s not about Jim,” the doctor says. His pace of speech has significantly lowered. It is quite possible that seeking advice from the man was a mistake.  
  
“There will be no positive results of the speculated action of you informing Jim about what I wish to share with you. Therefore I ask that you promise not to -”  
  
“Oh, damn it,” the doctor says, quite illogically. “I promise. Just tell me, Spock. You’re making me worried.”  
  
“Doctor McCoy,” Spock says, “I am under impression that humans frequently experience a phenomenon often referred to as obsession.”  
  
“Well. Maybe some humans. I have to admit, it’s a pretty _human_ characteristic to be obsessed with something. So, are you scientifically interested in the concept?”  
  
“Absolutely,” Spock says. “I am especially interested in knowing whether there is a cure for this... phenomenon.”  
  
“A cure for obsession? I don’t know, Spock. It really depends on what the obsession is about.”  
  
“I am, purely hypothetically of course, interested in a situation where a person is obsessed with…”  
  
“Come on, Spock. Say it.”  
  
“With a certain part of…”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Part of a body of a specific human.”  
  
Doctor McCoy blinks again. Perhaps there is something allergenic in the air-conditioning. “What?”  
  
“I would rather not repeat myself, Doctor.”  
  
“But I think you said,” the doctor frowns in a way that is almost impressive in its intensity, “that you want to know what’s a cure for an obsession with… someone’s body parts?”  
  
“Not _any_ body part,” Spock says. It is remarkably surprising, how obscure the conclusions the doctor is capable of making are. “A _certain_ body part.”  
  
“A _certain_ body part?” McCoy whispers, leaning closer to him.  
  
“Affirmative.”  
  
“Like, a specific spot in a… human body?”  
  
“Affirmative, Doctor. Now, if you might please consider the question about how to overcome a hypothetical obsession of that sort –“  
  
“Are we talking about,” the doctor says, blinking, “a male or a female body?”  
  
Spock raises an eyebrow, since it is, after all, often the most effective way of communicating with humans. “Does it matter?”  
  
“Hypothetically,” the doctor says.  
  
“Hypothetically,” Spock says, “the answer is a male body. But that is irrelevant.”  
  
“I fail to see how that’s irrelevant,” the doctor says, now looking at him with his eyes significantly wide. Perhaps the doctor is experiencing difficulties with his eye moisture.  
  
“Doctor,” Spock says, “if I could ask you to consider my question –“  
  
“Bones! Spock! What’re you talking about?”  
  
_Oh, no._ Spock turns slowly around to face the captain, who walks to the sickbay with a smile and… hands.  
  
“Jim,” McCoy says, “we’re just talking about… actually, Spock kind of made me promise that this is confidential.”  
  
“Great,” the captain says. “What is it?”  
  
Spock might be able to argue that there is no reason for the captain to be informed about the content of the conversation. He might even be able to ask the captain if he and Doctor McCoy might have a few, perhaps four point five, minutes to finish their discussion in private. However, he is not able to stand Jim’s hands, especially when they’re just hovering in the air, apparently waiting for an answer. How illogical. How fascinating.  
  
There is only one logical choice of action available at the moment: a quick retreat.  
  
  
**  
  
  
Since his attempt to discuss the hand situation with Doctor McCoy was useless, Spock decides to research the subject himself. A field study among the crewmen who have obsessions would be useful, but also quite ethically questionable. Furthermore, he does not have a single hypothesis about how a person can overcome an emotionally compromising obsession. He clearly has to address the question by reading about it first. After quite extensive and mostly useless reading, he comes across the simple idea that withdrawing from contact with the target of the obsession may help, with time, to lessen the said obsession. This is indeed logical, and therefore he decides to refrain from watching Jim’s hands.  
  
He succeeds rather well. He only glances at Jim’s hands once in approximately 2.7 seconds, which is impressive considering how much Jim does with his hands. And that, he observes even though he is _not_ looking at Jim’s hands, is _a lot._ It seems that Jim’s hands are always moving, except when they are in place in a very fascinating manner.  
  
All things considered, there is a significant chance of 21.3 percent that Spock’s obsession with the captain’s hands has not worsened since he has begun the active practice of not looking at said hands. That is indeed an improvement. He is so relieved that he allows himself to observe Jim’s hands once in awhile when the hands are doing something that is not too forwardly fascinating, which does not happen often but then again, _too_ is a concept open for discussion.  
  
But then his plan backfires, as Jim might say. They are writing their reports together, as they often do. He is trying not to watch Jim’s hands, as he always does. And then Jim raises his hand in front of his face, eyes still on the report, places his forefinger onto his mouth, opens his lips slightly and briefly _licks_ the fingertip.  
  
Spock freezes for 2.9 seconds. Then he stands up. Then he tries to say something and finds that he cannot. Then he walks out of Jim’s quarters. Jim calls his name but there is absolutely no chance that he could stay. He cannot face Jim’s hands for even half a second longer before he has spent a significantly extended period of time in meditation.  
  
  
**  
  
  
It is not ideal that he is attempting to rely on the doctor’s advice again. However, he is desperate. That is why he walks to the sickbay, but from the corridor he hears the doctor talking to someone and pauses before the door slides open. He should probably take a few steps back and wait further away in the corridors, since his sense of hearing is excellent and he would not want to, as Jim might say, eavesdrop.  
  
“Jim,” McCoy’s voice comes through the closed door. Spock freezes. “I really think you should listen to me.”  
  
“Bones,” Jim says in a voice that is both tender and still determinant, affectionate but strong, a fascinating combination so usual for Jim and so rare in any other being, “I think you’re overreacting. I’m sure Spock is fine.”  
  
Spock holds his breath even though the function is utterly illogical and poses a threat to his brain functions. If he took a step of 72 centimeters forward, the door to the sickbay would slide open and Doctor McCoy would have to cease from the discussion that clearly is meant to share personal information about Spock with the captain.  
  
“I think he’s gay,” the doctor says.  
  
Spock freezes again.  
  
“Bones,” Jim says, “that’s not our business.”  
  
“But it kind of is,” McCoy says. “Jim, you know how he is. He’s so shy and awkward about sex. He thinks he doesn’t believe in love. I’m not sure if he even realizes that he might be gay.”  
  
“We shouldn’t be even talking about this,” the captain says, and Spock nods, how thoughtful, how compassionate the captain is. “But, you know, since we _are_ talking about it… not that I want to know about Spock’s personal business, but… what makes you think so?”  
  
“I don’t know,” the doctor says in a tone that suggests he is currently experiencing physical discomfort, “I just… I’m just a country doctor, Jim. I know when I see a gay man, I mean, a gay Vulcan, pining for… someone.”  
  
“For _someone?_ ”  
  
“That’s actually why I thought that I _had_ to talk to you. Dammit, Jim, I think he has a crush on someone.”  
  
There is a long silence. When the captain speaks again, his voice is quiet and disbelieving. “You think Spock has a _crush_ on someone?”  
  
“Yeah, I know, it’s hard to believe, but… Jim, now I’m going to talk… hypothetically.”  
  
“Hypothetically?”  
  
“Just listen. Hypothetically, if a person came to tell you that they have an obsession and, _hypothetically_ , if this person was a male persons saying that they have an obsession with a certain… part of a human body…”  
  
“Bones, I’m not following you at all.”  
  
“Focus, Jim. If someone had an obsession with…”  
  
There is a brief pause, followed by Jim’s voice, not so steady this time: “Doctor McCoy!”  
  
“No need to yell at me, Jim,” the doctor says. “I’m just worried about him.”  
  
“And what the hell,” Jim says, “makes you think that Spock might have an obsession with…”  
  
After a silence of 3.1 seconds, the doctor says: “Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just thinking.”  
  
“I think you’re getting weirder as you get older, Bones. But do you really think he might be gay?”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“But if he had a crush on someone on the ship, wouldn’t we have noticed?”  
  
“Well, he follows you everywhere, you know. We don’t really see him communicating with anyone other than you.”  
  
“I know,” the captain says in a voice that is oddly content.  
  
Spock proceeds to walking backwards until he cannot hear the conversation anymore. His pulse has significantly accelerated. He can hear his blood circulation humming in his ears. He must go to his quarters and meditate. Otherwise he will be unable to face Jim or the doctor or anyone else in any foreseeable future. When he narrowly avoids a collision with a crewman, he turns so that he can face the direction he is walking in. The crewman watches him but that is of no importance. He must only think about Jim.  
  
No, he must not think about Jim, especially not now that he is already in a deeply emotional state. He even has to draw a deep breath in order to make his face stay calm. So, the doctor has stated an evaluation that he is, as Jim might say, gay. Jim did not seem to strongly seek further evidence but did not accept the hypothesis either. Perhaps he should consider the topic in question after he has engaged in a sufficient amount of meditation. However, it is possible the conclusion the doctor made might be in error. Spock has not experienced a significant amount of sexual attraction since the unfortunate occurrences during the _pon farr_ , about which he remembers little else than wrestling in the sand with Jim. If he were, indeed, gay, should he not sometimes experience a sexual desire of some sort towards another male? And that is not the case. He only has an obsession with Jim’s hands.  
  
  
**  
  
  
He has managed to meditate 5.7 hours after the unfortunate incident of hearing Doctor McCoy and the captain discussing his sexuality, when the captain comes to his quarters. He stands up and folds his hands behind his back. However, it is Jim’s hands he should be worried about, not his own.  
  
He begins worrying immediately as Jim walks in. Jim’s hands are placed on his hips in a gesture that seems both determinant and non-threatening. The latter may be due to the soft nature of the said hips. He tries to observe Jim’s hips and then realizes that Jim is expecting him to look his captain in the eyes.  
  
“Yes, Captain?”  
  
“I need to talk to you,” Jim says.  
  
“Captain,” he says. He should inform the captain that he is emotionally compromised and should acquire additional meditation before he can safely be in close proximity to Jim’s hands. Unfortunately, he experiences a sudden dryness in his throat.  
  
“Yes,” Jim says and nods at a chair. “Can I sit?”  
  
“Affirmative,” Spock says and clears his throat. The captain observes him briefly, sits down, and begins looking intently at his own hands. That is a very understandable course of action, of course. Spock is currently looking at the captain’s hands as well, one of which is now holding the other, the captain’s left thumb pressing into the right palm.  
  
“Spock,” Jim says. Fortunately, Spock is a Vulcan and therefore he can control his emotions. He is able to look Jim in the eyes for almost six seconds before taking a brief glance at Jim’s hands again. “ _Spock._ I don’t even know if I ought to mention this, so... I’m sorry. You’re probably going to think I’m crazy, sticking my nose into what isn’t my business _at all._ But Bones was so concerned. I have to at least _try_ to talk with you.”  
  
“Jim,” Spock says, but then the captain rubs his nose and it is impossible to remember what Spock was going to say next.  
  
“This is so awkward,” the captain says, burying his face into his hands. Spock stares at the hands. He wants to touch those hands. He wants to gently but firmly grab Jim’s wrists and, most carefully, pull them away from the captain’s face so that he can observe both them and the captain’s face. “Spock, Bones thinks you might be gay.”  
  
“It is possible,” he says. Jim’s hands are so still now, so patient. “However, I have not been able to research the subject thoroughly yet.”  
  
“You haven’t… what?”  
  
“I cannot verify the doctor’s hypothesis with the evidence currently in my possession.”  
  
“ _Oh_ ,” Jim says and rubs his forehead, then pushes his fingers through his hair, “you really… you _might_ be gay.”  
  
“Affirmative,” Spock says, “but I currently cannot make a reliable evaluation of the probability.”  
  
“I don’t need you to, it’s not my business but... Spock, McCoy is concerned about you. I know it’s probably just him being stupid but… since you say that _might_ be gay… I think I have to at least _ask._ ”  
  
“Yes, Jim?” Spock says. Jim is frowning at his own hand. A very fascinating hand. “You may ask me anything you wish.”  
  
“Oh, shit,” Jim says, “this is difficult. Spock, the doctor thinks you might have an obsession with a…”  
  
Spock retreats 62 centimetres from his previous position. Jim exhales sharply. So, the captain knows. The hands have been placed quite tightly onto the captain’s thighs. The captain knows he has been staring at them. The captain knows about his obsession. The captain knows that he has been emotionally compromised because of the gentleness and strength the captain’s hands seem to hold simultaneously. The captain might even know that once or twice he has thought about touching -  
  
“A _penis_ ,” the captain says in a remarkably quiet voice. The captain’s hands stay still. Actually, the whole captain is currently very still.  
  
“Excuse me?” Spock says. As the captain knows about his obsession, he must now give up the wildest dream of them all, the dream that once he might ask the captain to place their fingers so that they may tangle -  
  
“Spock, the doctor thinks you have an obsession with a… a...”  
  
“A penis,” he says as the captain seems to have difficulties speaking.  
  
“Yes,” the captain says and clears his throat. The blood circulation in the area of his neck and face appears to be increasing.  
  
“That is incorrect, Captain.”  
  
“Oh,” the captain says, “ _oh._ ”  
  
“I do not possess a significant interest in a reproductive organ common for human males,” Spock says. “However, I do –“  
  
He closes his mouth.  
  
The captain is staring at him.  
  
He tries not to look at the captain’s hands but it is simply impossible to refrain from doing so.  
  
“Spock,” the captain says, in a tone so gentle it should be scientifically impossible, “what were you saying?”  
  
“Nothing, Captain,” he says.  
  
“Just call me Jim,” Jim says, “and please, tell me. Bones got it all wrong, didn’t he? You don’t have an obsession with someone’s _penis_.”  
  
“Indeed I do not,” Spock says. Jim unfolds his hands and then traces the lines of his lips with the fingertips of his right hand.  
  
“No,” Jim says, letting his mouth stay slightly open for an impractical amount of time, and his forefinger is lingering _right there_ , 0.3 centimetres away from where Spock can see the tip of his tongue, “I guess you don’t. But you do have _an_ obsession.”  
  
“Affirmative,” he says, because Jim’s right forefinger is now resting on his lower lip and it is impossible to try not to tell Jim whatever he wants to know.  
  
“And it’s on a human body,” Jim says, opening his mouth a bit more and rubbing his chin with his fingertips, one fingertip still _almost_ in his mouth. “And it’s not about _anyone’s_ human body but _someone’s_.”  
  
“Yes,” Spock says. He must have trouble breathing because his voice sounds very much like a sigh. “ _Captain._ ”  
  
“Yeah,” Jim says. “Spock, is it me?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You have an obsession with a certain part of… me.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Spock,” Jim says and bites at the tip of his own finger, “do you like my hands?”  
  
Spock closes his eyes.  
  
“Answer me,” the captain says.  
  
“Affirmative,” Spock says. It is unfortunate that he may have to ask for a transfer. He cannot continue his work on the same ship that also occupies James Kirk’s hands. Perhaps he should ask Jim to kindly leave him alone now, if only he thought he would be capable of forming a whole sentence. He cannot be trusted, not this close to Jim’s hands. Or perhaps he should prolong this conversation, because it is quite possible it is the last one he and Jim will have. He will have to observe Jim’s hands, catalogue all the data, save it in any way he could. Perhaps he could even ask if Jim would let him… let him…  
  
He is rather certain he heard Jim standing up. However, his eyes are still closed and his mind is logically considering a critical issue of whether Jim might let him touch his hand, maybe with his mouth, but fingers would do as well. That must be why he did not observe Jim walking to him. However, he certainly observes _this._  
  
He opens his eyes.  
  
Jim’s fingers are lightly pressed to Spock’s cheek.  
  
“Spock,” Jim says, “I have to tell you something.”  
  
“Anything,” Spock says.  
  
“When Bones said that he thinks you’re gay,” Jim says, “I kind of began to think that maybe you were. For me.”  
  
“I cannot verify the hypothesis,” Spock says, and Jim moves his fingers just a little, almost like the captain was planning to touch his ears, and then the captain _does_ touch his ears and he shivers. “However, I believe that… the current evidence… supports it.”  
  
“I think so too,” Jim says, “but you know, I don’t care if you’re gay or not. I don’t care if the way you like my hands is sexual or romantic or platonic or… logical, I just…”  
  
“Yes?” Spock says. Jim has now placed his left hand on Spock’s arm. It seems that there is a minor malfunction in his mind, since all he can think is _yes yes yes_ -  
  
“You’re welcome to do anything you like with my hands,” Jim says in a quiet voice, “Mr. Spock.”  
  
“Captain,” he says, closing his eyes as both of Jim’s calm, soft, tender, strong, careful, human hands rise to caress his neck, “ _Jim._ ”  
  
“I _knew_ you were watching my hands,” Jim says, and the tone in the captain’s voice hints at laughter, but he does not dare to open his eyes to confirm his hypothesis as the captain is currently stroking the line of Spock’s jaw with his fingers and seeing it happen might make an emotional mess out of him. “I _knew_ it.”  
  
“That was…” he says, “very observant of… you, Captain.”  
  
“Thank you, Mr. Spock.”  
  
“You are… welcome.”  
  
“Spock,” the captain says, the volume of his voice lowering rapidly, “I think we need to sit down for this.”  
  
“Very well,” Spock says. He must breathe. Breathing is essential for the functioning of his brain. There is no logical reason to stop breathing when Jim’s fingers… follow his… his neck and… draw small circles behind his… ears… “As you… wish. We may use my… bed.”  
  
“Your bed, Mr. Spock?”  
  
“Af…firmative.”  
  
“Just tell me what you want,” Jim says, “anything you want, Spock.”  
  
“May I,” Spock says and opens his eyes, which appears to be a mistake. Jim is watching him from a distance of 31 centimetres. He can feel Jim’s fingers on his skin, he can feel Jim’s breath on his neck, and now he can see Jim’s eyes smiling.  
  
Also, he might be gay.  
  
“Yes, Spock?” Jim asks.  
  
“May I hold your hand?”  
  
“Of course,” Jim says, “as long as you like.”  
  
Unfortunately, their shift starts in 7.3 standard hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this story was so fun because I could really relate to Spock about that huge crush on Jim that he has ;)
> 
> You can say hi to me on tumblr!


End file.
